My love

• Artist: XxAngelxCakexX
• Description: This is an edited version of a poem i wrote a while back called the night...about my love for someone who was taken from me...i couldnt remember all of it so I improvised....but you know how that goes...right?:xp: ....I hope you like it...
• Date: 01/31/2009
• Tags: love darkness freedom promise

A sigh of boredom, or a sigh of frustration,
I can no longer tell...
I am deaf to my own voice
numb to my own feelings
blind to my own image
mute to my own rights
The life I live is not my own...
I am but a pawn,
Just a marionette
and they pull my strings for the thrill of it....
Making me do and feel what they want me to,
What they feel is engraved on me,
what they want to do but can not accomplish is my task...
although, before all of this, there was a light in my life
You were my light in the dark, and they smudged you out
what, with their hatred and chaos
my heart says "yes,do it"
my mind says "no, it's wrong"
A long time ago my heart used to be the stronger one....
but that was long ago
now we'll never know
how it was supposed to go
but I want you to always know....
no matter what they do to me
my spirit will always be free
and you will still belong to me
...My love

Comments

[omnomNOM de Plume]

I enjoyed the first part of the poem where you go through all the different physical ailments (deaf, dumb, etc) There's a lot of great parallelism here. But I feel like it lacks a unifying theme. It sounds pretty, but what are you really trying to say? It kindof jumps around a bit. I think the 500 limit is on the description, not the poem itself, so why not try expanding it?

[i_luv_noobs]

DIS POEM IZ CRUCIAL AND SO HEARTFELT
U SHOULD B A POET