• My Pariah


    Walking on the ironies of life, I find myself
    Intentionally blind to the hypocrisy within
    How can I want what I don't want, and yet
    Not wish for the things I desire?

    Where is solitude when sought?
    Where is companionship when begged for?

    Some changes were sudden, not quite expected.
    Others lagged behind, an awkward uncertainty halting
    Their steps as they moved toward a nebulous resolution.
    Reputation can be such a fragile thing.

    I only wanted to be loved for me;
    I knew from the outset that I did not fit in

    Friends, when nominal, are but shadows of
    Times past, memories warm and fond, but now
    Turned cold and hidden—afraid of rekindling
    For fear that they will yet see unintentional betrayal

    Why can't dual nature be separated?
    Why am I two people in one?

    They'll never know me; not the real me, as it were.
    Instead of looking to the heart, numbers and
    Mistakes cloud the judgment.
    Everyday a new mistake; everyday, greater condemnation

    I am different, I am me, and I will remain;
    I call you friend, and you refuse to hear.

    The day will come that all will be brought to light;
    I forgive the ignorance born of darkness. Wounds heal.
    I will yet call you friend; I will yet fight myself,
    Seeking to win out against that which would betray you

    What did I do wrong?
    What has changed to cost me your kindness?

    A wistful sigh escapes my lips. A longing fills my heart;
    Life is now; the past, however pleasant, has fallen.
    But did it need to? Can we still be friends?
    See me for what I am, not what I do.

    I will wait for you. I have not forsaken you.
    My friend, my friend, why hast thou forsaken me?