Untitled (I am Wrath/Rage)

• Artist: NitelyRain
• Description: This doesn't really have a title, but here's one anyway... kinda.
  Anyway I wrote this poem in as a sophmore in 2007. I've even placed this on my blog (as pathetic as it is) on Myspace. Personally, I only like two lines in the entire poem, the rest I think needs improvements. Tell me what you think, (as no one else did)
  Myspace blog url: http://www.myspace.com/nitelyrain/blog
  
  P.S. be brutally honest. Give me your worst, cause if you don't I won't improve.
• Date: 09/15/2010
• Tags: untitled wrath rage

I am the pounding of your heart
tab beating all reason away.
I am the rushing of your blood
tab filling, moving, swirling through you.
I am the grinding of your teeth
tab whispering easy victory.

I am your tightly clenched fist
tab bloodying your enemy.
I am the bright red of blood
tab shrouding your vision.
I am the ugly dark purple
tab flushing your skin.

I am the dry salt and bitter copper
tab spittle upon your tongue.
I am the day old sweat and sickness
tab filling your nostrils.
I am the eternal fire
tab eating and burning your soul.

Comments

[flyys]

If you are goin for imagry, u made a level 2 attempt... stopping right at nice sounding and rhyming and the using the senses or lots of adjectives in other words. Greater poets include symbolism, idealism, and even try to include impossible terms. And though the repetition is nice,
There is also no great wrap up.

hows that for the worst without calling you a mediocre writer (ur not btw)