The Beast from the Sky

• Artist: frozen crystal ice
• Description: I was writing this just for fun.
  Feel free to post how it made you feel.
  What I need to improve on,what you liked/disliked,and overall honesty is appreciated
  I can't improve unless I know how to improve.
• Date: 11/18/2011
• Tags: beast from

There once was a village
Peaceful in many eyes
'Till the day the beast fell from the skies

It would attack the people
Both night and day
The children not allowed outside to play

There were rumors inside the palace wall
That only tears could make the beast fall

A girl was listening to this remark
Hidden safely in the dark
An idea was beginning to spark

So as the night began to spill
This girl crept from her windowsill
Searching for the beast to kill

And then she found him, simmering bright
Looking at her with eyes of light

And so she began
So brave and strong
To sing a lovely tune
As she danced along

She sang about beauty and all its pain
She danced with grief and love,
As much as she could explain

Then she was done
And she heard the beast cry
Saw a clawed finger wipe a tear from its eye

And as the beat wept
It started to die
No time left even for a last goodbye

And the town was then saved
From the beast from the sky

Comments

[frozen crystal ice]

Yay, criticism!

I will look into revising this. This is important. I'm entering it into a poetry competition, and scholarships will be awarded.

Thank you all for your support

[Iradesca]

It's good! One thing though, try to keep a consistent rhyme pattern, otherwise it sounds choppy. Unless you want it that way. smile

[no wait when]

soooo good, i love it

[frozen crystal ice]

longer...I could do that! maybe during the summertime, so I don't have to balance writing with homework...ooh, let's add some more pictures, too!

[Caldella]

Interesting concept. As odd as this sounds, I feel like it needs an expanded, longer version, like a children's book or fairy tale told in rhyme.

[Femurie]

I love it ^^ It's so pretty!

[frozen crystal ice]

Thank you all who have commented, I would have tipped all of your posts if they gave the option...looking for some thank-you-gifts to send...