What is Love?

• Artist: LiamMoonstalker
• Description: I often wonder what it is...
• Date: 12/13/2011
• Tags: love

What is this emotion that stirs in my chest?
These butterflies will not let me rest.
How can you stare past me so coldly and mean,
all the while your beauty still will gleam.
Shine upon me with your radiance and light.
Fall for me as I have for you this night.
O sweet embrace me, for I will embrace you too.
Love? Can this be it? You and I know not how deep we are.
The power and grace enfolds us in a blanket of stars.
Can you hear? Do you see?
You are the only love for me.

Comments

[LiamMoonstalker]

Thank you for your input, Kyoto! I will retype this and re-post it.

[Kyoto-Hetalia]

I suggest using "coldly" as an adjective instead of an adverb, resulting as "How can you stare past me so cold and [so] mean"
So would be a factor of repetition. When a particular word or phrase is repeated, it brings in a more in depth image and meaning to the piece.

I suggest on the line "your beauty still will gleam" replacing the adverb helping verb link chain from "still will gleam to still brightly gleams"
This will create more dramatic emotion.

in "for I will embrace you, too" I suggest