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~sigh~

I'm feeling, blue.

Like I don't have much a purpose in his life.

I'm just there.

Just a friend, just something to have.

No purpose really.

And, I'm trying really hard to be happy.

To make the days fun instead.

No one wants to hang with a mopey depressed whining person. Right...

It's what got me to where I am anyways.

Though...it's hard not to be depressed, a bit angry, and frankly...just hurting.

Yeah, I'm real happy and having fun with our conversations sometimes.

But, end the end, I just realize...it's just friends, and the hurt around my chest starts to ache again.

And, its a real feeling, that ache, the pain in my chest. I sometimes I think its just my chest hurting again, but no, it's a real aching hurting sad pain.

And, when it gets hurting like that, I can't help but cry, holding back the tears just makes the pain worse.

Sometimes, I wish I could just run away from everything.

Just go to a happy place, run away from all the stress and hurt.

Lay down on the grass, look at the night sky and its luminous stars..and fall asleep, crying every night.

I wish there was such a place, a place I could run away to.

A place to just release all my sorrow, all my pain, and just lay there, on the cold ground and let the sky be my blanket.

And, have the stars and moon shower me in it's glow.

It sound dreary and sad, and well it is my happy place, and I would just lay there all night and just not care about a single thing and let the pain go, until I can't cry no more.

If there was such a place, Id go, at times I go outside and lay on the cold dirt and cry, and hum myself a song to lull the pain. And just let the stars and moon be my comfort, having a light through the dark sky.

It makes me sad and depressed, and all I seek is happiness, I can't go through sleepless nights anymore. I want a blissful sleep warm and soft, where I can wake in the morning without the dreary sadness wash over the morning light. Where the aches, pains, and soreness goes away. I want all the pain to go away, especially the one around my heart.

I'm so confused and along with the pain, I ultimately feel...sigh

I want to try to be happier yet its hard to stay happy every minute of the day, everyday. And, when I let my negative moods get to me, things become worse.

I am really hoping that, what I wish for will come true.

If not, I'm sure I will break almost to the point of no return.

I love him, with all my heart, and it hurts me to hear so many things

it hurts to be around knowing, there is a greater chance of no advancing, that...indeed the break was permanent.

It hurts me and confuses me to know there is love, yet...it seems like a mixture of things. It hurts to know I have so much feeling still and love and hope for him...and that, I can't say many things, and his words seem so close, yet...three words are missing out of every hug and every kiss to my forehead, to every other word of the day before in our fun.

It's confusing, and it hurts, but I'll just have to continue the pain and hurt, to see...what can be.

And, see, can I still have my life and dreams with him.

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