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Goodness
You know I've been thinking a lot lately. And, you know, wow I have a lot of wrong and bad mistakes. I've figured that, why have all my mistakes repeat, I tracked it down thinking what are my mistakes, where do they come from, why, and why don't I learn from them. I figured out the biggest mistake I do, one of the biggest. This is a mistake that causes me to always repeat the others. An old habit, I will break. Every time something goes bad, a wrong doing, or a when something gets complicated, I always, always, just put it away, aside, I purposely forget it, and not deal with the problem. I say w/e it is, is okay, fine w/e, or just something of an excuse. It sticks in my head for a while then eventually forget it. That's the problem I have, put the thing aside I never learn the problem, I ignore the things he tells me, for simply for my anger and emotions. Another major mistake, I overreact let my emotions get the best of me. If he gets upset, or angry so will I, even if I say I'm not, though at times I will try to purposely block emotion out, but eventually it upsets me. When he gets angry I most likely get sad/hurt, or somewhat recently try to block it out and accept that you are angry and upset. I think I am starting to get a better understanding of things. Today the 6th of January (when I wrote this previously) I took the day to relax, and breath, to meditate, clear my mind, and well some chi gung things. I then started to think some things, which led to how I can be better, how I can get you back, withing your limit. So I got to thinking, looking at things more deeply. At different ways. Then eventually I thought why, why do I repeat the mistake, that bring me to where I am now. I always put things behind/aside, selfishly thinking for myself. I n ever look at all the consequences like that day, what will being excited about a foolish drink really do? Why would I anyways. When something like that is childish and foolish. Does drinking make you look good, especially the way I was talking about it. What happened the last time I drunk?? Did I not make a promise? Would drinking even just half, make him feel good, or less bad, or proud of me??? No..
I thought a lot, lots and lots, I truly made a lot of mistakes. But, despite all of these wrongs, lol I won't call myself bad. Cause I am not...thinking negative doesn't make things any better. And, if that's all you ever think, that you are bad, then that is what you are. So I won't do that anymore, cause I am not.
So this is part of why things go bad. Though I am wondering, will you take me back?
I'm not sure, because it isn't anything I can control.
Which makes me a bit well not positive at times.
I'm hoping really hoping, that I can show you, how much you mean to me, and show you that I can change, I will, for the better.
I believe I can be better.
I believe I can be better this time, truly better.
If I believe and truly believe it, I can be, I will be.
Please Believe me
lol I really hope you can.
I mean if I really believe I can be better, much better, why can't you?
~kisses heart~ I hope you believe me
I'll try to believe you will lol hmmm...I'll believe you will.
~kisses lips~ Please, I love you, I really do, a lot baby, a lot.
~lays hand on chest~ I belong there, I think I do, I know I do.
Please find it in your heat, to let me in again, and I'll be the best for you And I will.
lol and well guess what?
^^ I love you
and
It will always be that way
Forever
~kisses lips~
"I do"
that's what I say
How about you
Do you forgive me
Will you take me back
Do you love me?
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