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Life seems to me dimming on me.

The skys arn't so bright, I bearly like to look at them any more.

Things are black and white to me.

I dislike the musics I used to listen to, I don't like them, I avoid them.

I'm tired of being at this place called "home".

It seems the yelling, crying, and beatings got worse, ever since.

I dislike both school and "home", I feel like I don't have some where to run to.

If it weren't for the way things are now, I would have long gone, and make my own, home.

Ran off, live in the wilderness if there were any here.

Create my own standards of living, make my own peace, live completely on my own, no worries, no troubles...yeah...hakuna matata.

They say running away from things is cowardly, but I have to say, isn't this a much better idea then suicide?

I seem happy, out going, care free, and well...I have to say, at times yes.

Something always makes my day a bit brighter.
Though, half the time...theyr'e just lies.

Facebook comments with the little smiles...forced images, fake smiles.

I think though I might be getting better at this, letting go of...this pain, though I can't free myself from this depression.

It's wearing me slowly, and I'v tried to find something else to get rid of it, happy thoughts, happy actions, gestures, etc. Positive thoughts, and actions.

I'm trying, but I still want to cry, I still feel lost, gone, depressed.

I let go of a lot of things, but, I never had attached myself so closely and emotionally.

I've forgotten, forgave, past things.

Though, despite whats been said...I believe this one, this one, will always stay with me.

It was too sudden, too sudden...I can't find peace, I believe I never will.

As things continue to be in this household, things continue with my family.

I'll never find peace, or comfort I seek.

I'v became very particular in what I want in my life.

Though, I'm having doubts whether or not, I can ever get back what I had dreamt and wished for.

As I continue to be rejected, and rejected.

No response back.

The more impact my heart takes, the more it sheds tears.



Is it long before it, seals over...



I still have hopes and dreams, and despite how much tears shed, I won't allow the steel to shut close yet.

I have but one chance...maybe not even a chance, but...I have one more option...just one more.



Though the little girl in the back of my head, is persuading me, more and more to move back, into the shadows, into the dark.



"Don't risk it...more pain it will be...why should you care, why should you love...why should you continue...why...just close over, forever...no one will ever get to you like this again...do it now...dont ever go back...dont ever return...run away...go away...disappear"

"You don't need to care for anyone rather than yourself...destroy whats close to you...disappear"


Yet another side, coming from my chest, from my whole body...cries, weeps, begs...

" Don't give up...you will never know, remember...what made you happy, if you want it...persue it...remember...remember...you haven't even accomplished a meeting, a touch...you still have much to do, don't let go of the link...remember the voice, the whispers, the kisses hugs, the happy feeling...the bliss feeling...remember...don't cry...don't cry..."

Don't cry...

Stand your ground, toughen up, grow up, be strong, hold strong, and if you can't accomplish your life's goal.

At least stand up strong, and impress him, impress him with what you are.

Don't cry...its weak, its foolish, childish.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"It's okay...Don't cry..." He, held her in her arms...held her tight, kissed her tears away...and hugged her tight, kissed her lips..."I love you, it's okay, it's okay, I'll be there for you forever."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

My true love, my whole heart...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Take me away, please stop this hurt...

I swear...its unbearable.

It constricts my chest, and stings it, squeezes it...

That's what I feel...and its unbearable...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...


I need to know whether there is anything to this any hope any chance, any time soon...

I don't know how long before I seal over...

I don't know

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

I miss him

I love him still