Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

i feel torn and helpless whenever i talk to you you listen but dont understand idt our relationship will last if i dont say what im going to ok
im tired of all thats around us it hurts so much your parents our friends me and sometimes you and this has all been on my mind for a long long time you look to me to help you but when i try you say "i got it ill be ok" or you say "ill be fine" and when i belive that you say every time i need you your not there and when i help you completely ignore me i mean you hear what im saying but never follow with it your parents and familly hate me regardless if they like me i see it as they like me as a prson but hate that im close to you and ik im bad at calling or showing up on time when i promise so im just going to stop promising things you always think the worst of me to like im mad at you or ignoring you when i either dont have my phone dont feel it or if i pass out and yes i pass out at bad times and im sorry but i cant help it and one of the biggest things is my friends look ik ive ******** up and am honestly sorry but if we are going to have a relationship at all you have to trust me even if its just a little i mean when ever i go to a friends house thats a girl and we hang out you always think the worst deep down in your mind or when i go to steves you freak simply cause shes there some times the fact that stevens like my best frind doesnt even really cross your mind or even stay there its all about her now every corner in our relationship shes there and i hate it im not standing for her i just dont want her to be brought up i already feel enough like an a** and shes all you talk about or kelsey do you realize how much you talk about them and as for the pictures on my computer i am sorry they wernt all gone but i dont want it brought up like everything else this is why ive been distant latly i just feel like im there in your life not doing anything i try my best to help but in the end my advice is ignored i try to help get you out you get scared and say no and when i dont know your coming to see me you get all mad you always say you feel like i dont want you around i feeel the same i always get "im not pretty you can do so much better" or "all i do is make you upset" if you honestly feel that way then why are you around if all you think you do is cause me pain are you just dating me to cause me pain or do you think your more than that i love you more than nything or anyone i tell you that everyday everyday i tell you how much you mean to me at the begining of this relationship i told you i was probably going to be late or miss phone calls ik i told you when we started yes i havnt txted alot since coming here but when you left you didnt either what im saying is i want you to think about us and i mean US i feel your depression comes from me and this relationship i want you to think really hard and tell me if you think we can make it ive thought and ik what has to be done ik we can work again but i will not say till i hear what you have to say

i love you and do not take this the wrong way its all ive locked up trying not to make you upset i do love you and i want nothing more to be happy again but things have to change

love chris