The times here are beginning to test my patience. I am quite ready for the holiday of Halloween so that I can spread my wings of darkness and run amuck through my quiet little town. The people are growing restless and they are ready for the weekend. The distance continues to grow between my friends and myself. Yet they pretend nothing is going on. What would they hide from me, and how far would they go with it?
Would things ultimately change when I'm gone? Will my friends start picking themselves off if I'm not here for them? These questions plague my mind and my thoughts. They are like clouds blocking out the sun. I ha ve no way of knowing what will be done and to what extent it shall go. The people in my life have such violent mood swings it makes me fear for them.
One of my dearest friends nearly went off the deep end into the abyss where I would never be able to bring him back from. Sadly, at times I wonder myself, who would miss me if I went into the abyss myself? Would people notice my absence? Or would they even care that the little gothic vampire is gone? Those questions make it even harder to study in school and to keep what little friends I have. There are so many problems that I could use help on, but I am not the type of person to ask of others for that I cannot do.
I agree that it's a stupid and egotistical thing to say but none the less it has the truth to it. As is, being the type that grows envious easily. Yet I shall not go into that issue. Time will tell on how my life will end up. In my hopes I want to have my love come up to live with me after I move. Though I highly doubt that will happen. He wishes dearly to go into the army, and I don't find it right to force him away from his mother when he goes through that. I know that she needs him and it would devastate her to lose both of her sons in no more than two years time.
So I shall wait and see how things will work out. I shall plan, hope, and scheme for what little future I have...
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Words of Silence
The words that are silent during the day, shall be spoken and heard through the night.
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all is lost to my ears
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