The days seem to grow shorter and shorter, and I cannot spend as much time at my spot as I wish I could. The sparkling waters, the gentle swaying of the bare tree limbs. It's not the most perfect place for some, but it's a place to where, just the water calms me by letting the sun sparkle off it's dark surface. I wish I could visit it in the moon light, just to see how it'd look. Would it seem mysterious? Deadly? Or even romantic?
I try to keep it to myself, but there is only one other person who I'd share my spot with. Both, person and spot, know how to relax me, and to make me feel safe. In my life I have had many trials and problems to go through, and never really felt too safe in one place. I dislike being around other people, because I always feel left out. I always feel alone when I see others. But I know I am not alone, for I have him. He is hard to explain.
I wish, that I could be like him. As level-headed and as calm as he is. He hides his feelings, I see no fear when I look into his dark eyes. I hear no worry in his voice when he speaks, or see any falter in his step. At times I think of him like a statue, for he does not show pain either. This, man, has been through more than any other man has. Or atleast this is how I view him. One thing that differs him from the other people around me, he cares. He pushes me, he makes me strive for more. He wants me to be the best that I can be.
I fear for him and I worry for him, because I know that he tries to keep it out of his mind. He's complex, mysterious, challenged. He tortures me in a way. He's in every single one of my thoughts, he's in my heart, and he's in my dreams. He's always there for me when I need him. When I need to talk to someone, to feel better, to put my worries and my fears into. I can always hope that he'll stick by me, put up with my behavior and my actions. But I wouldn't blame him if he decided to head off with someone better.
I know I'm not the most perfect person around, but I'm me. That's all I can really be. I can't be the girl next door, or the smart chick in school. I am Kat by some, Tora by others. But to myself, and possibly him, I am the angel of suffering and pain, with a dark soul and past. Just an angel lost on her way to Hell and find another angel just like her.
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Words of Silence
The words that are silent during the day, shall be spoken and heard through the night.
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all is lost to my ears
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