• I understand why you're doing what you're doing.

    You're obviously
    trapped between a rock and a hard place
    (a diamond and the inevitable emotional breakdown)
    you'll probably choose both
    just to cry your heart out
    because you're so happy about becoming "his"
    that you fail to recognize
    there is no "u-s" in "marriage"
    there is only "m-e" and "I"
    and definitely no "y-o-u"
    because it's an institution of ownership
    with stockholders and shareholders
    debts and loans and deposit slips
    for every transaction of love or money
    and eventually, that's all it adds up to:
    your love or your money
    and you've got to pick one
    but you'll probably choose both
    just to cry your heart out
    because you're so happy about becoming "his"
    that you never did the math to figure out
    who actually is signing the lease on your life.

    Congratulations.

    (To the bride and groom.)