Forever Remembered

• Artist: GeNo.OmInOuS
• Description:
• Date: 05/13/2011
• Tags: always remembered

FOREVER REMEMBERED




Every time the wind blows
It whispers me a word
A word that may mean nothing to others
But it means everything to me.
Your name.
Some say that a picture is worth a thousand words
Your name brings me a thousand unforgettable images
A sigh brings me grief and pain.
To know that we must part after all these years.
No matter how long it has been I will always remember.
your name and the memories
I still smile to all the happy times that we once had.
and laugh at all the jokes we use to make.
Every time i close my eyes I can still see your face.
As clear as the first time we met.
I will always remember and until we meet again.
I will forever savor the great times you have given me.
A memory is worth a smile and a tear.

Comments

[falcon3322]

FANTASTIC I really enjoyed this piece.

[GeNo.OmInOuS]

thank you very much

[Idiosyncratic Quirk]

Thus said, your creativity could have taken the trite and made them more personal! Such as "pain": you COULD have described it artfully instead of using a quick, cheap word. You could have gone back in the first stanza and let the wind carrying your friend's name wisp into your ear, penetrating your mind, and echoing in your heart. But that's just a suggestion. :3

[Idiosyncratic Quirk]

Generally, I guess I can say I enjoyed this.
Your opening stanza was great until you took the mystery out of it. 1.Had you dragged out that it was the name that stays with you, this would have been on another level entirely.
2. There are a few lines in this that blew me away. The first two lines in your second stanza - insanely artistic with wit! I loved that. Your finishing line clinched everything perfectly.
3. I see REAL potential in this but the downfalls are how trite and redundant this is.