The rain poured down, making a slight cacophony upon the roof of the decrepit home where Henriette currently resided. She looked up at the dismal grey sky, the same sky that had always been there, and she sighed. It was always so depressing, but there wasn't anything to be done about it. If she were to leave this gloomy spot, THEY might find her. She didn't know who they were, or even what. All she knew was that they were after her, and she didn't want to be caught.
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck nearby, illuminating the shabby area. This streak of fire from the sky might very well have saved her life, as she saw a group of familiar shadows, bathed in the brilliant light of the blast. They were scattered throughout the area, searching from one place to another, as meticulous as an army of lawyers with the scent of money in the air. She grabbed up her things, just a few essentials, and lifted the back panel of her 'home'. The time to go had come, so go she would.
The rain masking the sounds of her footsteps, she ran away from her pursuers, and wondered if there would ever be a place she could call home, a place where she might be... safe. Safe. The word itself almost seemed alien to her, so long had it been since she'd noticed them. She still hadn't uncovered anything about them, or about why they were after her. But that could wait. Running came first, always running.
Finally, she skidded to a stop. An alley lay before her, and she thought it looked overgrown with boxes and refuse enough to be a hiding spot worthy of this rainstorm. But if the alley was a dead-end then what would she do? Turning away, she continued the search, knowing there had to be a place somewhere. Somewhere, where the sky was blue, and the danger was nonexistent. Even in her dreams, she had never seen a place like that, but it had to exist, it had to. She ran.
Well, there you go. I wrote that just now, so please review it kindly. If this pathetic attempt at literature isn't too horrible, then let me know, and I shall see about writing a second chapter.
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Henrietta's notebook.
I shall post whatever I see fit to post, whether it be snippets of wisdom, self-authored stories, or just random tidbits of pointless information.
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Twelfth installment of my story is now posted. All comments are duly noted, whatever their nature.
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User Comments: [1] [add]
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Perhaps add another sentence to give more detailed insight to how she fears 'they'. Since you describe them as shadows that gives an impression that they don't really move, despite your best efforts. Perhaps add a little emphasis to how they are closing in on her location. There's no mention of the condition of her home, would like to know if inside the home is well-maintained so can think about if she cared about it or not.
The last couple of paragraphs are great stuff.
Nitpicks: Cacophony and decrepit are effective at setting a writing style but don't really work well together in the same sentence. However, 'slight' cacophony is brilliant =D
I find that it's better to use italics than ALL CAPS 95%+ of the time.
"so go" q=P consider replacing with "and go" or whatever.