... where you just wanted to be held by someone who cares greatly for you (not including family)?
Well I'm in one of those moods where I hate most everything but I try to put on a happy face for everyone. I just want to yell at people that 'I'm here too! Why don't you hug me? Just because I've acted against it in previous years? Why do those years matter?!'
These past few days, I have seen my friends hug each other every time they greeted each other, but I always had to jester for one. And even then it's only from one friend who would probably feel bad if he didn't hug me.
Yes, it's true, I've never really been open to people getting close to me. I feared that if I opened up, I would be too vulnerable. But now I see that even if I don't open up, I still am. Most of it is cause by my self-doubt and such. Fear of me making a wrong move, or of being gross or something stupid and childish like that.
Recent events have changed my perspective now, though. I don't want to leave my friends without opening up to them. I don't think I can really call them my friends until I do. They're just friendly people I can occasionally strike up a conversation with. I don't want to feel as if I'm alone when I leave. I want to feel as if I have a place to go back to and people who care greatly for me will be waiting.
I want to weep in someones' caring arms instead of crying myself to sleep. I want to feel protected and safe. I don't think I have ever been reassured that someone will be there for me, and if I have, it was long ago.
And now, before I carry off topic into something completely different. I must go before this gives me a headache. I'm off to do my homework. :]
This is a good song by disturbed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87eyJo2sVPc
 rainbow_kiss-able_kisses · Thu Sep 11, 2008 @ 01:25am · 0 Comments |
