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Sunday, May 17th 3:29pm. To Rauthr
"Do you want your tuna sub on Monday?"
Same time and date. From Rauthr
"Please :)"
Same date 3:32pm. To Rauthr
"Would you like it delivered in the morning or just have it at school?"
Same date 3:33pm. From Rauthr
"School, or ill forget it xD"
On Thursday around 4:30pm, I was at Rauthr's place. It took me 2 years to admit to her that I like her and I couldn't even find my wording after I said it. I was so nervous I bolted out of there saying sorry so many times. I felt like an idiot. Later that day I texted her saying sorry 2 more times, she said that she wasn't mad at me for telling the truth.Friday in class it was awkward at the beginning. Then a mutual friend came over and we were able to converse normally. I lost track of the conversation so I just floated in my mind like I usually do when I don't pay attention. Nothing was said about the day before. During the weekends, I work at subway. I got into the habit of making my friend a sub on Sunday so she could have it on Monday. (Note the conversation above.)
We usually sit and chat before the bell rings in the morning and during twenty minute break. This morning I sat on the window sill where we usually do when it's icky outside. My other friends were on the other side of the hallway, not even five feet away and they didn't even say hi to me. Rauthr comes and immediately goes to them, blowing me off completely. I was hurt, really hurt. Not even a hello from her. I went to class upset thinking, "Okay, maybe I'll see her during twenty minute break and we can chat there, at least say hi". I put the sub in the locker we share like usual and head to class. Between first and second block I had to go to the locker. Rauthr was there. I tried to get her attention so she wouldn't close the locker but it was too late. When she realized I was there she said (to the extent of) "Oh! I'm sorry!" This was said with some kind of earnest feeling in it. I told her it was okay and she left to her class. After third block, twenty minute break. I go to the tree outside because it was a bit nicer out. She wasn't there. It was still a bit chilly out, so maybe she went to the sill to eat her sub. I go there and wait a few, look outside at the tree, nothing. She's not insight at all. Maybe she got held up in class. If that's so, her sub should be in the locker still and I can give it to her when she arrives. I go to the locker. The sub is gone. She is gone. She left without even greeting me, just a sorry when she closed the locker. That was it. Nothing more. Forth block, I text her asking if she wants me to come over. No reply. I wanted to cry. I still want to cry. I feel so used. Not even saying hi. That hit me hard and deep. I... I don't know anymore. Maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe we can talk things over a bit. We have a class together at least. She may ask me about coming over. I don't care if she doesn't want me to, just show me you know I'm here and you give the smallest bit of a rat's a** about me. Just a simple hi, is that too much to ask?
I am now eating chocolate morsels in hopes that food with comfort me. It's not cutting it. It can't say hi. I should go, I have a big test tomorrow.
 rainbow_kiss-able_kisses · Mon May 18, 2009 @ 08:43pm · 0 Comments |
