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I never did it. Not once. Not even a legitimate try. Here's what happened. 20min break comes around and she tells me she's going to the doc's to see if she has an infection in her chest. So she leaves before the class ends and I don't get to tell her. Well she forgot her jacket so I decided to wait for her in the freezing wind till she came back so I could give her her jacket and possibly tell her then. Well I had work at 4 and it was around 3:15 when I just went to starbucks and asked them to give her her jacket back. I left her a coupon for 10% off so I figured she'd go. Well she got the jacket. But going back a bit, I thought that she may not come in time so I'd leave a note in her pocket explaining a few things and saying that I'd ask her Mon/Tues time frame. Well she never found the note cause when I went over for church on Sunday, it was still there, untouched. I decided to leave it there for one more day just in case (cause she doesn't usually go anywhere during the weekends anyways). That night I panicked and told Spiggles I didn't want to anymore. So Monday comes and I checked her pocket after she put it in the locker and left. It was still there. So being the chicken s**t i am, I took it out. I haven't said anything to her, and know if i will. I do still like her, but i think I'm just too scared. I'm a worthless scared piece of s**t that can't do anything. Oh, and Spiggles? I told him not 15mins ago that I haven't told her. He called me a Chicken s**t and I agreed and said that I called myself worse and yay for low self-esteem! I don't think he liked my realist reaction so he threatened to tell her if I didn't. So what do I do? I practically explode on him. Almost word for word this is what I said, "I need to do my math homework. And I don't care for you using something I told you in confidence against me." I can't remember exactly, but i believe I called myself a chicken s**t sometime and lowered my self-esteem even more. But after i said that i just got off of MSN and half assed part of my homework. Which i now plan on finishing after i lower my self-esteem even more! Yay! I'm a worthless piece of s**t that can't do anything for herself and doesn't even have the guts to say something to the girl I've had a crush on for 2-3years. I'm going to fail all my classes worrying about the stupid drama s**t and panic over everything. Drama sucks a** and needs to leave me the ******** alone. And now I am going to shut myself off from the world till morning and have wonderful thoughts of suicide again that's i'm going to be too chicken to ******** do anyways! Yay! ******** the world and it's issues. I welcome sanity and loath the lack of intelligence.
 rainbow_kiss-able_kisses · Tue Feb 24, 2009 @ 01:46am · 0 Comments |
