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It's been a very long time since I've written anything in here and I'm not going to explain anything. I do believe however, that I'll give a brief of what happened with Rauthr, seeing as how I never finished that. She and I have an understanding that we are strictly friends. Nothing more (unless you count best friends) and nothing less.

I'm not going to go into detail about what my summer pertained to, but I will say this: I need help. I don't know who will read this, if anyone, but in case they do, I want to make it clear that I need help. Mental help I suppose. I've thought of suicide on and off for the past month. It's not good. I have to convince myself not to OD on random pills in the cabinet. I have to tell myself not to skip school. I have to or else I'll stop fighting. The one time I let slip, just a little, I tried to cut myself with a dull pocket knife. It was too dull to do anything, but it scared the 3 people I did end up telling. It's scared them something horrible and made me feel worse for doing that to them.

I had decided to get on Gaia and surf the forums, mainly the LD. There was a thread with the headliner of Suicide. So I checked it out. There was a guy in there, Daimin, who made a fire light inside of me. Not a passionate fire per say, but a fire of hope. Something for me to cling to, so I don't drown myself. The Original Poster was going on about bombardment, saying you must continuously tell the potential suiciders that dying is painful, don't do it. Well Daimin disagreed and said you have to get to the root of the problem and solve it. I agree with him. I was curious and decided to check out his profile. After I read through his "About Me" section, I was awed. He sounds like a great guy. Different, surely, but great nonetheless. I respect him in the up most fashion. Without even directing anything to me (for I did not let him know I was reading about him) he has saved me for the night.

One more night means a lot. It really does. If anyone out there is willing to listen and not Judge while I speak, tell me and I will pour my heart out to you. I will do it and hopefully, if you're not horrified by my deeds, you can aid me in my search for a path out of this hole I've dug myself. Rocky or clear and cut, I don't care, as long as it's far away from my own personal hell I've created for myself through my own stupid actions.