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Well I am literally laying in bed typing this, which is kinda fun. I don't think I've ever done something like this before xB
Anyways. It may look good to come in 2nd or 3rd, but it feels like you're coming in last. You beat yourself over small accidents and uncontrollable events. I don't know what it is about this lady, but it seems that everyone has fallen for her as i have. I know of at least 3 people, not including myself, who have crushes on her. I swear, if she's this good, she must have been sent from heaven. Well with everyone else trying to sway her, i feel like crap. I worry way too much over my appearance when i'm with her. My thighs are enormous, my a** could eat people, and my weight is around 175lb. It makes me want to cry. Sure, I make her laugh, buy her coffee and share food with her, but it's the physical attraction i am afraid she'll deny. I have a practical nonexistent self-esteem. I doubt any complement given so freely, unless i already agree. Today i saw the pictures she took when HM, EC, her and i went to the park. I was discussed by all of the ones of me. She tried to cheer me up some and to get me to stop downing myself, but i have been told for most of my life by my own family members i need to lose weight, or i have no waist, you have a pot belly, etc. Even just last week, EC was guessing pant sizes of mine and CS. She guessed that CS was a 4 i think, but CS said 6. And when she guessed mine she said about a 8 or 9. I just gave her one of those looks, laughed a bit and said 'Heh heh, no. Try doubling that.' I wanted to cry at that point. I feel so fat and large and like my a** is trying to eat people.
ok, well i'm going to go cry myself to sleep worrying about my weight and what CS thinks and if i have a chance etc, etc. G'night : /
 rainbow_kiss-able_kisses · Wed Feb 18, 2009 @ 05:16am · 0 Comments |
